This Is Not Easy – But Not Impossible

The last week has been a major challenge. While I am sleeping, it’s not usually enough – I wake up after about 6-7 hours. I am no longer tired by 8pm to the point of passing out, but I am slow to start and usually need to rest by 2 or 3pm (which isn’t a problem considering I work from home or in my office in the city, which has a couch.) At the same time, I becoming more agitated as the days go on. I’m pretty sure my root problem is anxiety (and not bipolar) and am desperately needing to resolve those issues. I have been taking a little Xanax (and by little, I mean 1/4 of the smallest prescribed dose) but my Lorazepam actually seems to work better – and longer. I also think the Xanax is making me slightly nauseous. Until today – when I took more Xanax than usual in lieu of my morning Ativan – I was a total zombie until about noon and then started burping (with some vomit) during lunch.

The thing is, my nauseua originally stopped almost 2 weeks ago – along with most other withdrawal symtpoms. I no longer have any problems holding my head up (for a few days I was lying down 24-7) or getting severely cold with shakes. In fact, I felt pretty normal. That is, until I started drinking soy milk and eating things like pizza, all of which contain ingredients I am severely allergic too. Concurrently I’ve been getting migraines, which I haven’t had since I stopped taking Topamax 2 months ago. Luckily, Excedrin for migraines has kicked those in the butt without any other effects, and I don’t need it everyday.

The biggest thing I’ve learned from this is that with the right food, the right vitamins, lots of water and exercise, the side effects of Zyprexa Withdrawal are actually pretty easy to manage (except for about days 5-10, when there’s no way around it.) I’m lucky I live and work in environments where I have the choice to eat healthy foods and sleep as much as needed – and when needed.

The hard part is choosing to consciously think about what your body is doing, drinking and eating nearly 24-7. There is no room to cheat. Zyprexa makes you sick – and if you don’t treat your body as if it’s recovering from that illness (and mental trauma) it may actually be impossible. I highly recommend that anyone withdrawing gets in touch with a nutritionist (who can run an allergy panel before you stop taking Zyprexa) and be prepared to take a few days off when shit hits the fan. (And it will. Like I said earlier, days 5-10 after you completely stop taking it will be awful. This is what is expected to happen, but only lasts those few days if you’re doing everything else right. I found sleep, eating as much as possible and drinking as much water as I could handle was critical at this point.)

We’ll see how following a much stricter diet, drinking more water and sleeping more helps the rest of this week. I have an appointment next with my doctor next week about the anxiety, regardless.

Supplements

Even if there was nothing ever “wrong” with you in the first place, withdrawing from Zyprexa can unleash monsters that will make you think you actually are insane. Without getting technical, this is because of the way Zyprexa affects the brain – and without Zyprexa, the brain basically doesn’t know what the heck to do. In addition, you my be depleted of vitamins critical for brain development and activity – a deficiency caused and masked by Zyprexa itself.

To help my body get back to normal – and to help prevent a panic attack or onset of mania –  I’ve been recommended these supplements for now:

Magnesium – 250mg at night. Calms a racing heart, eradicates headaches

GABA – 200 mg at night. Calms the mind, helps you sleep.

Vitamin D – 4,000 IUD a day. Mood enhancer.

Fish Oil – one tablespoon. Mood enhancer/stabilizer.

All of these are available over the counter, but be careful to avoid cheap products that are full of filler and chemicals that won’t do you any good. And always ask your doctor before starting any of these supplements – especially if you no longer want to take Zyprexa. They aren’t a substitute!

Breaking Through the Withdrawal

I took my last dose of Zyprexa – 1/4 of a 5mg pill – on Sunday, October 9. By Friday, October 14 I was sleeping only 3-4 hours a night, following hours of my mind racing, an increasing heart rate and difficulty holding up my head. The following Monday I saw my doctor, who said I was experiencing an irregular heartbeat – common for anyone who withdraws from a phyiscally addictive med – and that I needed to sleep. After a round of accupuncture, which brought my heart beat back to normal, he loaded me up with Magnesium (to calm my heart in the evenings before bed), GABA (to help me sleep) and Fish Oil and Vitamin D for overal better mental health. The GABA and Magnesium helped instantly, and with my lorazepam I slept 8 hours hours uninterrupted that night – something I hadn’t done in a month.

The actual withdrawal, though, didn’t hit until the 21st and peaked on the 25 – the day after I wrote my last blog post. Until that day, I was functioning – I had dinner with friends, went to the office, etc. But by the end of the end of even those days, I was barely able to keep from passing out. Over the following weekend I turned into mega-bitch and couldn’t swallow a bite of banana without feeling like I was going to puke. I also had no energy to get out of bed on Monday, finally pulling out my Mac to get some work done shortly before dinner. I called my doctor on Tuesday the 25, and he told me that I was in the heart of withdrawal, which would last 3-5 days, though it sounded like I was at the tail end as it was. We talked about making SURE I drank water and ate good food, but otherwise assured me I’d feel fine soon.

He wasn’t joking. The next DAY I felt totally fine. Full appetite, energy, no anxiety upon waking….it was about as normal as I’d felt since first starting meds when I was 16. I took my normal morning dose of lorazepam just to make sure and now, 4 days later, I feel even better. I am calm, relaxed, alert and responsive to social activities and interaction. I don’t even think about meds – or the lack of Zyprexa –  at all until I brush my teeth before bed and when I wake up.

I’m also no longer constantly hungry, hungover like a zombie in the morning, or constantly craving sugar and carbs. In fact, in the last week, I constantly lean towards the freshest food available. This was not even a possibility while on Zyprexa. I’m also finding myself zoning out far less. For those who can identify the “cloud” they are in while on Zyprexa, you’ll understand when I say it’s totally lifted. And while I was afraid of missing that “cushion” that kept me in that zombie state, once I got past the worst of the withdrawal, I’ve realized I don’t even need it. I feel like a complete, whole, and calm person. (We’ll see how long that lasts!)

I am still taking 300mg of Lithium a night and 1 mg of lorazepam in morning and night. However, the Lithium does not even show up in blood tests. The lorazepam, however, could be a huge contributing factor to feeling “normal” – especially since anxiety, not a mood disorder, is likely the root of all my problems. I will detail other supplements in the next post.

Getting off of Zyprexa Sucks

I first started taking Zyprexa when I was 18. I am now 26. For 8 years, I have been taking 5mg at night, every night (or, early in the morning, if I happened to stay out late.) I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 16 following several severe panic attacks. Even throughout the first few years of Zyprexa, I had more panic attacks – at one point, shredding my hands in a printer because I thought the paper printing my final essay for a class in college had gotten stuck. (I still have small scars from that.) It wasn’t until I was 24 that lorazepam was introduced, and changed the game entirely. In the last 2 years, I have completely changed my life around, with minimal panic and no reason for anything to think I wasn’t the happiest person they ever met.

Truth is, I was happy – but exhausted and increasingly overweight. Over the course of being on meds – which started out with the now-banned Remeron – I’ve gained between 40 and 60 pounds. Only excessive exercise can bring me down to somewhere between 120 and 130 – and who has time for that?! I craved the worst food possible  - and ate it, or else I’d become obsessive.

Then I started seeing a natural therapist in a clinic in Seattle. We didn’t touch my meds for 3 months – but tested for food allergies right away. The results forced me to avoid carbs, dairy, eggs – basically, anything that makes even normal people gain weight. But I didn’t lose any – even with walking 4ish miles a day.

So we got rid of the Topamax, which I was on to help combat the side effects of Zyprexa. Hello, headaches! With a lot of water and some Advil, those went away. Then, we started with the Zyprexa.

Now, I’ve tried to do this before. I went cold turkey after getting fed up with a psychiatrist in 2008 who wanted me on 235235 other meds, too. So I stopped seeing her and cut everything off. I was convinced I was going to die. Like others who withdraw without an alternative, I was nauseous, dizzy, had insomnia, and was constantly cold and shaking. Obviously, that didn’t last very long, and I was back on the meds within a week. At that point, I figured I’d be on them for life – eliminating the potential to ever have children. (And also ensuring I’d be broke due to the copays of my self-insurance.)

This time, I went with a doctor who makes a practice out of healing patients naturally – or, as naturally as possible. He took over my prescriptions, not changing a thing. In the meantime, we started accupuncture – I’ll get into the benefits of this in a minute. I’ll say for the first few months, it helped with general things like headaches and muscle pain.

The week before last, I took my last dose of Zyprexa after tapering for about 2 months. It wasn’t until I was totally off I noticed effects, but when they hit, they hit hard. Waves of nausea, insomnia, horrible agitation. My therpaist immediately advised Magenium, Fish Oil , Vitamin D and GABA. I’m still on Lithium and Lorazepm, 300 mg and 1 mg, respectively, at night.

Now, I sleep 8-10 hours, have no headaches, nausea only when I forget to drink enough water and only mild agitation, which is helped with another 1mg of lorezapem in the morning. I’m actually more tired than before, but am lucky to have a job where I can take naps – or just chill out in a dark room –  whenever I need to.

I’m not in the clear yet, but so far the only thing I really have to battle is the exhaustion. Oh, and I have no appetite – but considering the weight gain, I’m ok with eating much, much less.

This blog will my diary of Zyprexa Withdrawal. If you’re experiencing a similar situation, feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear advice – and help along the way, if I can.